Archive for September, 2004

BAM! Baby.

Well folks here she is. The most beautiful baby EVER. And by ever, I mean the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world in ADDITION to her older sister (Miss Anna-bean), my godson, and the Professor’s adorable goddaughter.

It’s like I tell both of my brothers “You’re my favourite brother.” Because, hey, it’s true dammit!




How can someone so CUTE also freakishly look like a little old bald dude? I don’t know but there it is. Also, how come my pictures are being displayed all wonky? I don’t know but there it is.


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The Perfect Cab Driver

This morning, on my way to work, when I was late because BD kept giving me free drinks and fags all night long, I decided to take a cab because, well, because I was late. So I managed to catch one that was willing to take me to Union Station, and believe me not all of them are — one time I had my hand on the open door and was raising my foot to get in when I mistakenly told the driver I needed to go to Union Station. He took off like a SHOT, the open door banging wildly and my open mouth hitting the pavement as I precariously tried to regain my balance. I was too shocked to yell obscenities.

Anyway, this morning yet again I was attempting to catch a cab that would be willing to drive me to Union Station because HEY it’s not like the fare has ANYTHING to do with that and lo! I found one. The only catch was that there was someone ELSE in it, but I was too frantic to care. I work for a woman who flips out over misplaced commas. So the guy in the back of the cab is this poor sod who has possibly broken his foot and to make room for his crutches I’m in the front. I get in, shut the door, and put on my seat belt, because my mama raised me to do such things, and it’s a good job I did because as soon as all of this occurs the cab driver takes OFF, hurtling down Connecticut Avenue so fast I think we are going to careen into the back of a bus.

This man instantly became my new hero. He drove like some people play Tetris, using up all the available space as the puzzle pieces fall faster and faster. He FLEW around circles with nary a glance. He avoided the bumpeliest parts of our bumply roads. We got from upper upper northwest to downtown 17th and H in about three minutes. Red lights melted away before this Jamaican cab driver’s lead foot. We drove past the World Bank so fast I was blinded by the reflection from its shiny shiny surface. We deposited poor damaged ankle man who had been holding on for dear life in the back at his doctor’s office building and took off again ZOOMING around morning pedestrians with their Starbucks and their Breadline croissants. But the MOST amazing thing about my new hero, the perfect cab driver, is that HE DROVE THE EXACT ROUTE TO MY DESTINATION I WANTED HIM TO without me saying a THING.

Okay people, fess up. How many of you sit in a cab silently criticising the route the driver is taking, secretly wondering if he or she is trying to SCREW you by crossing through several zones to up the fare? How many of you sit there without saying a word because you feel that if you DO, you will annoy the everliving SHIT out of your cab driver and damn it, you’re just too nice a person to annoy your cab driver? And how many of you mousily pipe up when you end up waaaaaaaaaay north of where you want to be because your cab driver will do anything to avoid the diagonal state streets “Uh, maybe try 16th?”

This cab driver made me so happy when he drove the way I would have driven, only at three times the speed, that I completely forgot to be frightened of my boss yelling at me for coming in fifteen minutes late. He made me so happy I didn’t even care that he gave me most of my change in quarters. HEY! Now I can do laundry!

Yes, he made me so happy that I didn’t even feel my hangover.

I love Jamaican cab driver man. I love him so much I might marry him. I wish I could have adequately informed him of my love but alas, I was fifteen minutes late to work. I did thank him profusely as he pulled up to my building, but he was too busy counting out quarters to notice.

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Baby Got DSL

So I finally got off my lazy ass and SET UP THE DSL AT HOME. It should be a testimony to how much I missed posting to let ya’ll know that this is the absolute FIRST place I went, the superfly Typepad site, where I immediately logged on like a starving man in the desert (wait, what?) and beheld that most beautiful of greetings, Welcome Back Heather!

I tell you tears nearly ran down my face.

Maybe that was due to the fag I was smoking whilst typing with both hands.

Anyway! Chanelbaby is back. Okay so here is a very quick recap of why the hell I haven’t posted in over a month:

  1. I work for an insane boss. This woman makes talking with your hands look like a box of super sweet kittens. I mean the SCREAMING. Anyway, my job is damn busy and I don’t need to be posting from there because my stress levels are already high enough and I know somehow somewhere is a log of everything I’ve ever done on that computer. For all I know I could get hauled away for the number of Solitaire games I’ve played.
  2. I went up to Maine to visit my dear grandmama, my brother and his fabulous wife, and my two adorable nieces. That kicked the ass of the already kicked ass and I had a wonderful time with them. Can anything beat a two month old with cerulean blue eyes breaking into a huge surprised smile when her crazy aunt eats her cute little feet and makes funny noises? Yeah, no.
  3. Upon returning I immediately had to staff a conference in DC. Thank God the conference was being held in a hotel like three doors down from my apartment building, because I had to be there EVERY DAY at 8 am. If it weren’t for pre-packaged Rice Krispie treats with chocolatey drizzle, I would have been in high dudgeon the whole morning and growled at the good folks coming into my booth to buy books. As it was they got a sugar-satiated, if bleary-eyed, marketeer happy to answer their questions about why it is that psychologists can’t prescribe medicine.
  4. Upon returning to work, where we have crazy on the menu every day, I had racked up 287 emails and a hefty backlog in my already tottering inbox. No worries. I whipped through that stack by delegating everything to my two amazing colleagues, who now tell me they wish I would just jump out the nearest window, leaving them my stockpile of Rice Krispie treats. Thank goodness they are so capable I could probably do that and not worry about a thing.
  5. I have had stuff going on every night this week. I met this amazing artist at the conference over the weekend and we had dinner Monday night. Tuesday BD came over for dinner. Wednesday was book club with The Witch. We watched that PBS special on C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud. I am such a nerd I was DYING to be in on the round table discussion with the filmmaker, the journalist, the professor, the Jungian analyst, the doctor, the lawyer, and the Indian chief. Well okay, there was no Indian chief but hey that REALLY would have been cool. So here I am tonight finally set up on my shiny yummy new iBook, which I promised I would get, typing my first entry from home.

And damn does it feel good. So I’ve got some pics to upload, and some stories to tell, and things to mull over privately between me and the vast cyber community, and some email to check (at last! finally! my own webmail account that I can actually CHECK — we are blocked from checking webmail at work). But as soon as this goes up I need to shut down my virgin white Mac and put my house in order and go to beddy bye.

WHEW. What a RELIEF. I started this blog because I was inspired by some of the best writers on the web and I wanted to enter the conversation. I don’t know if my posts really enter the ring of those super-terrestrial beings, but I really enjoy the participation.

Good night sweet Internet! How I missed thee!

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