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Archive for February, 2005

Snow Day!

I love living in this city. Every time the sky drops so much as a flake this place SHUTS DOWN. Stores empty of bread and milk (because of course milk and bread are so integral to everyone’s diet), people abandon their cars on the circles all over town and run around screaming with their arms waving wildly, all the schools close, and the federal government takes the day off. It is the BEST. I’m telling you, it snowed ALL DAY LONG and it was so warm on the ground the snow wouldn’t have stuck to flypaper.

I rolled into work at the crack of ten, and my maniac workaholic boss was practially drinking mojitos with her feet propped up on the desk. At noon she left. SHE LEFT. At this point I became convinced that the earth was tilting on its axis. (I mean, it certainly LOOKED like we were living in a snowglobe.)

Later on Bartender Dude and I went out to dinner with his parents. But on our way out of town, he took a few pics. He is a much better photographer than I. To wit:

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The city is ethereal. Muffled, grey, crystalline.

I will leave you all with this picture of Sack of Sugar. Whom I think at this point we should call Stuffed Sausage. This is like Comedy Baby Photo. How could her mom do this to her? She looks like a creepy sock puppet.

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Stay tuned for stories of falling down and car trauma.

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The Commandant Is Coming

And we are all in a dither.  He is coming for ten days, and the Professor and I, being planners, are trying to nail down every inch of spare time whilst he is here and fill it with activities.  Here is what we have come up with so far:

  1. Drinking.
  2. Eating by Cooking.
  3. Eating by Going Out.
  4. Museums.
  5. Smoking One Zillion Fags.
  6. Laughing.
  7. Falling Down.
  8. Dinner Theatre (????) I oppose this one but we will be seeing a group called The Capitol Steps who are supposed to be hilarious.
  9. Going out in my new car and having the Commandant criticise my stick-shift handling abilities.
  10. Shopping.  Well, the Commandant is going to indulge in this with reckless abandon because everything here costs him the equivalent of $3.  FUCKING EXCHANGE RATE.

In the midst of all this, Bartender Dude’s birthday is occurring and I am worried about it slipping by unnoticed because he doesn’t like a lot of fuss and he doesn’t want presents (or so he says).  I think what he REALLY wants is a plane ticket somewhere.

Stay tuned for stories and photographs.

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High Fidelity

The other day (Saturday to be precise, the day I was Very Bad and skipped going to the DMV to register my new car in the District, get tags, and get a parking sticker to have lunch with The Professor — and if I get towed I am SO blaming him) The Professor and I were sitting in a posh watering hole having medicinally-coloured drinks and smoking away and getting rawther tipsy thank you very much, when he came up with a fun game to play on the back of a napkin (FGTPOTBOAN — I just KNOW this acronym will enter the chat room lingo/Urbandictionary.com site within the week. Mark my words, you read it here first).

This game is pretty much based on that running motif in the film High Fidelity when Jon Cusak’s character makes lists such as Top Ten Breakup Albums of All Time. We limited our list items to Five Plus an Alternate, and did a whole series of fun topics, including Top Five Hottest People, Top Five Most Beautiful People, Top Five Things You Must Read Before You Die, and so on. And because we are Big Humanities Nerds we didn’t limit ourselves to present-day people or books (Winston Churchill’s mother made my Top Five Most Beautiful People list by the way because have you SEEN pictures of that woman? Fucking gorgeous, and I mean by any time period’s standards. Too bad HE looked like the genetic result of a frog and Pillsbury Dough Boy gettin’ it on.)

At any rate, because I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how much I’d like a different job than the one I have now and what I’d loooove to study if I had a bazillion dollars and never had to work again, I’m posting our Top Five Jobs I’d Love to Have lists, just so you can see the amusing contrasts:

Chanelbaby’s Top Five Jobs I’d Love to Have

1. English Lit Professor in the 1950s
2. Pastoral Counselor
3. Web Architect
4. Casting Agent
5. Barbara WaWa

And here, for your enjoyment, are The Professor’s Top Five Jobs He’d Love to Have:

1. Librarian/Collections [note: this is actually what he does]
2. English Professor
3. Bishop (C of E of course!!!!!)
4. Ambassador (so people will address him as “Your Excellency”)
5. Country Club Manager

Oh, and in case y’all were wondering what our alternates were, mine was “Photographer’s Stylist” and his was “Dean.”

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