Archive for May, 2006

I want to get my shit together.
I want to put my house in order. (My literal house).
I want to be thinner in spots.
I want the job I love
to be the job I have.
I want to stop worrying about money.
I want benefits and paid vacation and a yearly bonus.
I want to go to the beach in my new skinny body and get all
brown and tan.
I want to stop being frustrated that I’m not doing enough
and just DO it.
I want to remember friends’ birthdays and life events and
send cards and gifts.
I want to stay in better touch with those far-flung and
I want to take some classes, buy expensive skincare products,
do more cooking and get really good at it.
I want some new clothes and a new fucking haircut and a
pedicure. My whole life, I’ve never had
a pedicure.
I want to geek out on Mac.
I want to take more pictures and organise the ones I have.
I want to get engaged at Christmastide in the Ritz Carlton
next to a big, glittering tree and a roaring fireplace while snow drifts by the
window and BD and I drink Veuve Cliquot.
I want to keep a clean peaceful house for us.
I want BD to be on the same work schedule as I am and for
him to have a job that is worthy of him.
I want to buy a house soon, so we can expand in a few years
and have a place for those expansions to run around and maybe have a dog.
I want to read more novels, do more witch work, write more blog
posts. Write more anything.
I want to get connected to wider communities that share my
interests, find more kindreds.
I want the courage to be myself at all times and with all
I want the energy to do all the cool things I dream up.


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I just found the most fucking incredible site full of amazing podcasts and links and resource lists and reading material.

Check it out: Speaking of Faith

Wow.  I can’t wait to listen to The Need for Creeds (no seriously!) and Quarks and Creation (my friend the Cartographer will want to talk to me about that one I’m sure).  I really find the study of faith and spirituality and, dare I say it, religion, utterly fascinating.  I mean, here is something that, like philosophy, suffuses our lives without us really knowing it.   Its one of those topics that you recoil from instantly in disgust and shame but when a talented and erudite scholar lays it out for you, you suddenly realise "Hey! The invention of the pencil was pivotal in the advancement of capitalism upon the planet!" or some other spooky this-is-in-the-center-of-everything-really realisation.

Unfortunately, I am not so gifted, as must be painfully aware by this hasty and dashed-off post, but hey, that’s what NPR is for!

Now I must go pick up my car from the shop.  Apparently ITS life is entirely governed by mechanical physics and not any sort of spiritual life.  Poor thing.

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Le gasp!!!  Can it be?  Is this a new post?

I know you cannot believe that I am posting again in less than a month.  Well, I am.  I am trying hard people.  Hard.  HAARRRRDD.  (Yeah these words should totally increase my hits via search engines alone.)

I’ve decided that since the primary reason I post so infrequently is that a) I am lazy, but let us forget that for a moment and focus on b) I can never think of a good topic to write about (actually this is not true and in a moment I will reel off a list of Good Topics I Have Long Wanted to Blog About but see reason a), that I will start posting about my life’s minutiae on a hopefully regular basis and see if that helps me get over the blogging hurdle.  Now, usually this hurdle comes in the form of boxed DVD sets of my favourite shows and a never-ending supply of fresh cocktails.  Also nachos.  But come on, it is way easier to dash of an entry about what you found in the underwear drawer or how badly Bartender Dude needs a new phone than to opine eloquently about the effects of gentrification on local neighbourhoods or the importance of Hello Kitty in Japan.

So without further ado, I hereby give you Chanelbaby: The State of the Union.  Here are some updates about various parts of my life.

Job – If I had to summarise the professional side of my life right now I would call it The Agony and the Ecstasy.  Right now I love what I do.  Loooooove.  I am happy as a clam in mud, as a pig in shit, as a very clean animal in its very clean habitat.  I do web content management and also strategic integration of all things web with all things [this company].  It is super fun, and I love my co-workers, and—barring meetings—can come in anytime I want.  ANYTIME I WANT.  That is better than hookers and free coke people.  So, the agony part is that I am still a contractor on an open-ended contract, and by "contractor" I really mean "person who receives no benefits and cannot exercise in the free gym downstairs and is not paid for a single minute she does not work so calling in sick is no longer a no-brainer."  I have discovered that I like SECURITY in a job.  This is strange to me because I like creative energy and variety and change in every other part of my life.  But in relationships and jobs, I crave iron-clad, impenetrable, built-for-eternity security.  This is something new I have learned about myself.  For lo! The Chanelbaby is endlessly fascinated by the new things she learns about herself and must tell you all, her three readers, of these fascinating things.

Relationship – Speaking of relationships, well, prepare to puke.  Get ready to hurl everyone.  I am more in love with Bartender Dude than ever.  Every day I love him deeper and more intensely, which love clearly affects my ability to form grammatical sentences.  But it isn’t all smooth sailing, as dear William is fond of reminding us.  We’ve had some troubles, some clouds.  Moving in together has been fun but also stressful.  For example, I had no idea BD could be so sensitive and picky about a) the placement of furniture, b) the purging and merging of STUFF, or c) the determination of the contents of the front hall walk-in closet.  Also, BD has been struggling to find gainful employment in his line of work, and by "gainful" I mean "something that pays more than the rent and is not a loud, pullulating club full of drunk twinks."  Said struggle has been placing stress on him and consequently on us.  Plus I’m all "How are we going to get engaged and have children and save for retirement and not dire of exposure in our old age if you don’t sort these things out RIGHT NOW?" and he’s all "Chill out and have some faith in me woman!"  So.  Yes.  But no matter what, no matter what fears we uncover in each other, what past crap we’ve dragged into the present, what assumptions we are making about each other’s actions or lack thereof, I trust in our ability to work it out as things come up and not let them fester and grow mold in the corners of our hearts.  Because mold in your heart is gross.

Finances – Hmmm, well, the news in this quarter is not so hot.  Next Sunday will be my last shift working at the restaurant, because I just don’t want to do it anymore.  I want my weekends back.  And I am thinking of taking out a home equity loan to help out a bit, because HEY this at least it is tax-deductible debt.  There are times when I really love the laws in this country.  And I guess that is all I’m going to say about THAT.  But given the tightness of things, it would be really good if I could get more freelance editing work that I can do from home. Preferably whilst drinking cocktails and smoking Camels.  So hey!  Feel free to send me leads!  Cash works too.

Life of the Mind – I’m not sure what to call this section, but I just have to report that suddenly I have discovered the joy of reading fiction all over again.  Back a few months ago when I was sick (and I mean, I was really sick not just fragile from drink), I idly picked up Pride and Prejudice and found I could not put it down.  I loved it!  P&P was soon followed by Emma, and now I am onto the Brother Cadfael mysteries.  At the moment I’m still reading a collection of short stories that tell his back story, but I plan to move onto the novels shortly.  Isn’t that odd?  I wish I had experienced this page-turning love of reading when I was doing my degree.  Hell, I also wish I possessed the knowledge I have now, then.  The other day I was watching the deliciously bad Van Helsing on cable and presto! the entire literary and cultural context of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein became clear to me in one shining moment.  I could write a whole essay on this in half a day and probably get highest marks, but did I possess such sanguine ability as an undergrad?  Noooooooooooooo.

Well that about wraps it up.  Perhaps next week I’ll blog about the apartment, and post some pictures.  But before I go, I’ll leave you with the following list.  Do you all vote on which one you’d most like me to pursue.

Good Topics I Have Long Wanted to Blog About But Was Too Lazy

How Friendship Wanes and Suddenly You Have Nothing to Say
Washington, DC: Village Life, with Extras
How Little I Care Whether Jesus and MM Had Sex
Universal Health Care: If Canada Can Do It, Why Can’t We?

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I’m back from SBC, the Secret Book Club I attend every week with my friend The Witch. In fact, we are the only two people in the Secret Book Club, a fact rendered only a little more amusing by how widely its existence is known among our friends.

[The Professor] So what were you doing last night? I called you three hundred times from the posh bar. [Takes huge swig of gin and tonic]

[Chanelbaby] Oh I was with The Witch at Secret Book Club. We are reading Fill-In-The-Blank Occult Book.

[The Professor] [rolls eyes] I thought SBC was on Tuesdays.

[Chanelbaby] No it is on Wednesdays now, but The Witch had to move it to Thursday this week because of her thesis proposal.

[The Professor] Good lord. [clearly not interested] [takes another huge drink] So have I told you about my kitchen fiasco?

The Professor is having MASSIVE amounts of trouble with his kitchen remodeling. And you KNOW how The Professor hates any kind of hassle or expanded expense.

Anyway, this post is not about the poor Professor and his ridiculous kitchen remodeling disaster. It is about how The Witch sent me home with THREE MORE BOOKS. I tell you, over the last four years I have carted home well over twenty of The Witch’s books which she tells me I simply MUST read. I have Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and Initiation Magic and Solar, and The Power of the Witch. None of which I have read despite all good intentions.

This week she sent me home with: The Advent of Brother Cadfael, Gods and Elementals, and Circle of Life: Traditional Teachings of Native American Elders. Well.

I simply can’t wait to dive into all THOSE.

Except I will. I’ll wait for about five years and then finally, utterly at the end of days, when I simply have NO MORE ROOM in my apartment crammed with books, I’ll go through and root them all out, all the wonderful books The Witch has given me, and I will end up concluding that simply by dint of their stay with me, I have hopefully somehow absorbed their contents.

It is a shame there are not more hours in the day for reading, and less required for cleaning the apartment.

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